15 November 2012
There is a fine line between a horrific and
perfect metal album cover (re: Iron Maiden) and the kind of ridiculous
offering that can only be met with laughter. This list is based on the
understanding that while the genre's cover art generally cops a lot of
flack, sometimes it can be celebrated and ridiculed at the same time.1. Cannibal Corpse – The Wretched Spawn
While Cannibal Corpse have taken a literal approach to almost all their cover art, the ability to shock has always been their forté, with every cover having been either censored or given an alternate visual for the last 15 years.
2. Lard – 70’s Rock Must Die
While this is actually a three-track EP from the Chicago duo, it gets an honourable mention for its colour and design assault; and if you look closely, you can see he hangs to the right.
3. Cradle Of Filth – Darkly, Darkly, Venus Aversa
Perhaps the band are honing in on every metal-lovers’ ostensible fantasy, she’s even holding the forbidden fruit, hot right? If this artwork floats your boat then we can only imagine the mess you’re making over the band’s logo.
4. Monster Magnet – Spine Of God
At the time of reissuing the 1991 debut in 2006, the New Jersey band found themselves in an immense hallucinogenic drug coma. This is the result.
5. Anthrax – Fistful of Metal
Just because it was their debut album, does not mean they should be pardoned.
6. W.A.S.P – Inside The Electric Circus
When frontman Blackie Lawless said this third album was by far his worst, we assumed he was also referring to the artwork. However a cursory glance at the band’s previous releases show that yes, the spandex is always intentional.
7. Boned – Up At The Crack
Featuring tracks like Loaded On Love, Drain The Main Vein and Ain’t No Talkin’ With Your Mouth Full, this cover, in all its phallic glory, is entirely understandable.
8. Acid Bath - When the Kite String Pops
As if metal bands using clown imagery weren’t already naff, this sludge metal band from Louisiana had to make it utterly guileless too. If you’re going to get your kid to make your album artwork, at least put their age under the signature.
9. Alestorm – Back Through Time
This album was recorded at LSD Studios in Germany, the same year Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides was released. ‘Nuff said.
10. Meat Loaf – Bat Out Of Hell
Meat Loaf is undeniably a heroic outcome of the ‘70s, and Bat Out Of Hell is the lead and pinnacle of one of the greatest album trilogies ever recorded, but as forward-thinking as this was in 1977, it’s still a naked man riding a bike out of a grave.
11. Bruce Dickinson – Accident Of Birth
“Oh no! There’s a Jack in the Box with fuzzy eyebrows coming at me with a baseball bat. I’m so scared!” – said no one. The artist however, is responsible for Iron Maiden’s incredible mascot Eddie, which makes this offering twenty-times worse.
12. Burzum - Burzum
While this album was recorded ‘pre-imprisonment’ for the murder of fellow black metal musician Euronymous (who recorded a guitar solo on this record), and therefore not his darkest visual, the Norwegian artist was already exerting grim tendencies.
13. Darkthrone – Dark Thrones and Black Flags
Never fear! The vampish varmint with the thighs is here! The illustration skills here are apt, it’s just the illustration depicting a million contradictions that isn’t.
14. Deceased – Supernatural Addiction
If it was the Virginian thrash-metal band’s ultimate intention to conjure Tales From The Crypt nostalgia (circa 1990), then by golly they’ve done a neat job!
15. Doomriders – Black Thunder
While we’re wholly aware that the aim of metal artwork is to make fifty shades of Doomrider’s debut album cover, we’re just not sure this puts the fear of the metal Gods inside us.
16. Exodus – Bonded By Blood
The perfect depiction of Yin and Yang. From the black-polished vamp nails, to the wiry blue-black hair and the gnashing fangs, plus the super-glue attachment, which connects him to the ‘good child’ – yes, this would have look quite scary in your head.
17. Ghost - Opus Eponymous
Opus Eponymous was nominated for the Swedish version of the Grammy Awards in 2010 in the Best Hard Rock category, the cover art was named #4 in Revolver magazine’s 2010 awards, but it only takes a perfunctory glance at the haunted house, bats, full moon, lightening and Priest-ghost to understand its place in this list.
18. Immortal - Pure Holocaust
KISS had been touring and recording for seventeen years before this New York band formed; this just cannot be forgiven.
19. Mayhem – Dawn Of The Black Hearts
This infamous photograph was taken by Mayhem guitarist Euronymous (the very same from #12), when he discovered the body of the band’s vocalist after he had shot himself in the head. Not only is this cover in horrendously bad taste, it was also Euronymous’ idea to use the image, after he had allegedly encouraged the suicide. What a guy!
20. Municipal Waste – The Fatal Feast
We bet $50 and a can of spray paint that these guys almost died in their Virginian mosh shorts when The Walking Dead TV series was made available as a box set.
21. Boris – Heavy Rocks
Here we have a rule breaker. Yes, it’s a reissue, but the original was two shades of orange. The Japanese band has taken all that was heinous and holy about metal artwork and ‘Princeified’ it.
22. Tankard – Zombie Attack
What’s worse than seeing all the harmless film protagonists in one place? Featuring them watching television on an album cover, for a band named after a cup.
23. Terror Squad - Artillery
This is that drawing you made into your album cover when you were drunk and wanted to show your little brother you love him, and encourage his artistic pursuits... even though he clearly can't draw.
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